He had sex with a space alien.

I cannot reveal my credible source from planet Zork but it has to be true because Zorkians never lie. Just imagine the worst possible things and that is nothing compared to what my very credible source tells me.

For those that don’t know Zork, it is an advanced civilizations that outlawed plastic straws decades ago.

You may think I am trying to Bork a Supreme Court nominee. Not I.

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14 thoughts on “He had sex with a space alien.”

  1. That should be easily corroborated from the Annals of Zork, which records all such minutiae – let’s just put the hearings on hold & let the FBI build & send a rocket to Zork to look through them.  It’s only a few lightyears away.

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  2. Pencilvania:
    That should be easily corroborated from the Annals of Zork, which records all such minutiae – let’s just put the hearings on hold & let the FBI build & send a rocket to Zork to look through them.  It’s only a few lightyears away.

    “You only send us your worse people. We have no need of your rejects. Send us cheerleaders.” (I added the last part for Mike LaRoche.)

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  3. BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

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  4. Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

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  5. 10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

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  6. Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Gloria,

    I don’t recognize any authority who has spent less time on the cable channels. Our agreement was signed under duress. You pressured me.

    BTW, would you like to hold a fundraiser for my “Likey Mikey” 2020 campaign?

    Your next prez,

    Mike Alvenatti

    1+
    avatar
  7. 10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Gloria,

    I don’t recognize any authority who has spent less time on the cable channels. Our agreement was signed under duress. You pressured me.

    BTW, would you like to hold a fundraiser for my “Likey Mikey” 2020 campaign?

    Your next prez,

    Mike Alvenatti

    Dear Avenatti,

    I was appearing on cable since before you were born, you young whippersnapper, so mind your place.

    Zork is mine.  You will withdraw forthwith or your corpus will be delicti.  If you make me angry enough I will start recalling that time in high school when you followed me up the stairs and assaulted me.  Don’t claim you weren’t even born yet when I was in high school; that’s hardly an alibi.  Besides, I know about the time-traveling Russian hackers, through my close friend, Joy Ann Reid.

    Gloria Allred

    1+
    avatar
  8. Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Gloria,

    I don’t recognize any authority who has spent less time on the cable channels. Our agreement was signed under duress. You pressured me.

    BTW, would you like to hold a fundraiser for my “Likey Mikey” 2020 campaign?

    Your next prez,

    Mike Alvenatti

    Dear Avenatti,

    I was appearing on cable since before you were born, you young whippersnapper, so mind your place.

    Zork is mine.  You will withdraw forthwith or your corpus will be delicti.  If you make me angry enough I will start recalling that time in high school when you followed me up the stairs and assaulted me.  Don’t claim you weren’t even born yet when I was in high school; that’s hardly an alibi.  Besides, I know about the time-traveling Russian hackers, through my close friend, Joy Ann Reid.

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Glo,

    I will be on CNN in the next 5 minutes recounting how you secretly abused me and then made me sign an NDA. The proof will be how you destroyed any evidence to our relationship. I am starting #usedbygloriaallred so others will come forward.

    Zork maybe yours for now but when they take away your license it will be mine.

    Trashed by GloriaTM

    Mike

    1+
    avatar
  9. 10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Gloria,

    I don’t recognize any authority who has spent less time on the cable channels. Our agreement was signed under duress. You pressured me.

    BTW, would you like to hold a fundraiser for my “Likey Mikey” 2020 campaign?

    Your next prez,

    Mike Alvenatti

    Dear Avenatti,

    I was appearing on cable since before you were born, you young whippersnapper, so mind your place.

    Zork is mine.  You will withdraw forthwith or your corpus will be delicti.  If you make me angry enough I will start recalling that time in high school when you followed me up the stairs and assaulted me.  Don’t claim you weren’t even born yet when I was in high school; that’s hardly an alibi.  Besides, I know about the time-traveling Russian hackers, through my close friend, Joy Ann Reid.

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Glo,

    I will be on CNN in the next 5 minutes recounting how you secretly abused me and then made me sign an NDA. The proof will be how you destroyed any evidence to our relationship. I am starting #usedbygloriaallred so others will come forward.

    Zork maybe yours for now but when they take away your license it will be mine.

    Trashed by GloriaTM

    Mike

    Avenutty,

    This is yet another example of your egregious stupidity.  Nobody watches CNN.  No matter what anyone says, people napping at airport gates do not count as viewers.

    Notice I only go in MSNBC?  Not only do they permit me to supply the questions, but also they pay better, too.

    You should learn from me because it’s clear you can’t compete.  I’m willing to give you lessons, in my dungeon.  The first one’s free.

    Mistress Allred

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    avataravatar
  10. Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Gloria,

    I don’t recognize any authority who has spent less time on the cable channels. Our agreement was signed under duress. You pressured me.

    BTW, would you like to hold a fundraiser for my “Likey Mikey” 2020 campaign?

    Your next prez,

    Mike Alvenatti

    Dear Avenatti,

    I was appearing on cable since before you were born, you young whippersnapper, so mind your place.

    Zork is mine.  You will withdraw forthwith or your corpus will be delicti.  If you make me angry enough I will start recalling that time in high school when you followed me up the stairs and assaulted me.  Don’t claim you weren’t even born yet when I was in high school; that’s hardly an alibi.  Besides, I know about the time-traveling Russian hackers, through my close friend, Joy Ann Reid.

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Glo,

    I will be on CNN in the next 5 minutes recounting how you secretly abused me and then made me sign an NDA. The proof will be how you destroyed any evidence to our relationship. I am starting #usedbygloriaallred so others will come forward.

    Zork maybe yours for now but when they take away your license it will be mine.

    Trashed by GloriaTM

    Mike

    Avenutty,

    This is yet another example of your egregious stupidity.  Nobody watches CNN.  No matter what anyone says, people napping at airport gates do not count as viewers.

    Notice I only go in MSNBC?  Not only do they permit me to supply the questions, but also they pay better, too.

    You should learn from me because it’s clear you can’t compete.  I’m willing to give you lessons, in my dungeon.  The first one’s free.

    Mistress Allred

    Glo,

    Have you no shame? How could you hoax me like this? It wasn’t 4-chan. It was you. Now I look like a complete fool and even Stormy is not returning my calls. What am I going to do with 50,000 “Avenatti 2020” signs?

    You put this joke out on the Internet too.

    Michael Avenatti has been cited for harassing parked ambulances.

    Sincerely,

    Mike

    2+
    avataravatar
  11. 10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:

    10 Cents:

    Cyrano:
    BREAKING: The oppressed Zorkian has retained Michael Avenatti.  How can you possibly doubt her/his/its credibility now?  Stop laughing.  Really, it’s rude.  Stop laughing!

    Dear Gloria Allred,

    I hope we can always remain friends but I have found someone younger. It happened all by accident. I was channel surfing and I came to CNN. …

    Dear Michael Avenatti,

    You may recall that our agreement to split the universe between us, modeled after the Treaty of Tordesillas, explicitly places Zork, its solar system and all of its contents, on my side of the Demarcation Line.  You, sir, are trespassing on my territory, and I demand that you cease and desist and withdraw immediately to your side of the Demullerized Zone (DMZ).  You will regret not acting affirmatively and quickly.

    Sincerely,

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Gloria,

    I don’t recognize any authority who has spent less time on the cable channels. Our agreement was signed under duress. You pressured me.

    BTW, would you like to hold a fundraiser for my “Likey Mikey” 2020 campaign?

    Your next prez,

    Mike Alvenatti

    Dear Avenatti,

    I was appearing on cable since before you were born, you young whippersnapper, so mind your place.

    Zork is mine.  You will withdraw forthwith or your corpus will be delicti.  If you make me angry enough I will start recalling that time in high school when you followed me up the stairs and assaulted me.  Don’t claim you weren’t even born yet when I was in high school; that’s hardly an alibi.  Besides, I know about the time-traveling Russian hackers, through my close friend, Joy Ann Reid.

    Gloria Allred

    Dear Glo,

    I will be on CNN in the next 5 minutes recounting how you secretly abused me and then made me sign an NDA. The proof will be how you destroyed any evidence to our relationship. I am starting #usedbygloriaallred so others will come forward.

    Zork maybe yours for now but when they take away your license it will be mine.

    Trashed by GloriaTM

    Mike

    Avenutty,

    This is yet another example of your egregious stupidity.  Nobody watches CNN.  No matter what anyone says, people napping at airport gates do not count as viewers.

    Notice I only go in MSNBC?  Not only do they permit me to supply the questions, but also they pay better, too.

    You should learn from me because it’s clear you can’t compete.  I’m willing to give you lessons, in my dungeon.  The first one’s free.

    Mistress Allred

    Glo,

    Have you no shame? How could you hoax me like this? It wasn’t 4-chan. It was you. Now I look like a complete fool and even Stormy is not returning my calls. What am I going to do with 50,000 “Avenatti 2020” signs?

    You put this joke out on the Internet too.

    Michael Avenatti has been cited for harassing parked ambulances.

    Sincerely,

    Mike

    Avenatti,

    I’m becoming gravely concerned.

    Even though I think you’re a scurrilous ambulance-and-skirt-chaser with the brains of a kumquat and the morals of a syphilitic third-world dictator, I had at least taken solace in the notion that you were OUR  scurrilous ambulance-and-skirt-chaser with the brains of a kumquat and the morals of a syphilitic third-world dictator.  That despite your nearly innumerable failings and bad hygiene, you were on OUR side.

    Now, I have to admit, I’m not so sure anymore.

    You entered into l’affaire Kavanaugh at the very moment our side was gaining an advantage, shifting the focus to you and your evanescent new accuser.  Your accusations were more lurid, the kind of steamy nonsense that you might expect from a pimply-faced adolescent or a lawyer who has spent far too much time with prostitutes.  We could not compete.  Immediately, our dream team of Ford and Ramirez began to lose altitude.

    But you then failed to produce said accuser.  She is vaporware.  Then it was shown you were punked by 4chan and your strident denial essentially confirmed that.  Then you locked your Twitter and started screaming about suing everyone.

    You have made our side look foolish and incompetent.

    But you’re not on our side, are you?  I think if I could grasp your head and tear off your mask, I might actually uncover the laughing, orange head of Donald Trump.

    Or Kevin Costner. You know, you look a lot like Costner, and you sound like him, too.

    At this point, I’m really not sure which scares me more.

    I’m going to go drinking with Hillary.  If anyone calls, I’m with her.

    Allred.

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