The Way C Were

I went poking around for the Bible in ebonics.  I lol’d at the lolcat version before it got done in by unfunny hacks.  Figured I would try the ebonics version.

Closest I got was some faul Hawaiian thing.  But a reference to an attempt is posted on an old C Language board, which see.

And what is the first thing that jumps out at me?  Look at all of the conservatism!  Computer programming even when done by old hippie greybeards who voted Democrat or worse was *still* a science which demanded right answers, and had an effect upon those who practiced it.

Look at the fearlessly casual rejection of political correctness!  I don’t mean that these people voted for Reagan, W Bush, Gingrich, Rudy, Romney, or Trump, nor even McCain, HW Bush, or any other GOPE rentier.  I mean that they had zero stomach for namby-pamby lectures arising from their midst about the proper way to go about enjoying a joke or understanding a squishy concept.  And back in the day (this was contemporary with the heyday of Little Green Footballs), the internet was not a humorless danger zone.

It was the Wild Wild West, and it was funny as ksjdhfjdgfhjk\b \bd\b \bf\b \bh\b \b CONNECTION RESET BY PEER

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5 thoughts on “The Way C Were”

  1. A preacher named Clarence Jordan started putting out Ebonics Bible stories in the 1970s.  They are only for the Gospels, not the entire Bible.

    Here is the page for the Cotton Patch Gospels.

    https://koinoniafarmstore.com/cotton-patch-gospel-complete-paperback/?utm_source=Community%20Website&utm_medium=Website&utm_campaign=cp-gospels-page

    In 1988 a stage play based on this work made a brief appearance on Broadway.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cotton_Patch_Gospel

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  2. Haakon Dahl:
    I went poking around for the Bible in ebonics.

    The GNU Talk Filters include the classic Jive, Valspeak, Chef, Pirate, and other transformations.  Here is the manual [PDF].

    This is the first chapter of Genesis passed through the Jive filter.

    Genesis

    Chapta’ 1

    1. In de beginnin’ God created da damn heaven an’ de ea’th. Lop some boogie.
    2. An’ de ea’th wuz without fo’m, an’ void; an’ da’kness wuz upon de face uh de deep. Jes hang loose, brotha’.  An’ de Spirit uh God moved upon de face uh de waters.
    3. An’ God said, Let dere be light, dig dis: an’ dere wuz light.
    4. An’ God saw de light, dat it wuz baaaad: an’ God divided da damn light fum de da’kness.
    5. An’ God called da damn light Day, an’ de da’kness he called Night.  An’ de evenin’ an’ de mo’nin’ wuz de fust day. Slap mah fro!
    6. An’ God said, Let dere be some damn firmament in de midst uh de waters, an’ let it divide da damn waters fum de waters.
    7. An’ God made da damn firmament, an’ divided da damn waters which wuz unda’ de firmament fum de waters which wuz above da damn firmament, dig dis: an’ it wuz so’s.
    8. An’ God called da damn firmament Heaven. ‘S coo’, bro.  An’ de evenin’ an’ de mo’nin’ wuz de second day. Slap mah fro!
    9. An’ God said, Let da damn waters unda’ de heaven be gathered togetha’ unto one place, an’ let da damn dry land appea’: an’ it wuz so’s.
    10. An’ God called da damn dry land Ea’th; an’ de gatherin’ togetha’ uh de waters called he Seas, dig dis: an’ God saw dat it wuz baaaad.
    11. An’ God said, Let da damn ea’th bring fo’th grass, de herb yieldin’ seed, an’ de fruit tree yieldin’ fruit afta’ his kind, whose seed be in itself, upon de ea’th, dig dis: an’ it wuz so’s.
    12. An’ de ea’th brought fo’th grass, an’ herb yieldin’ seed afta’ his kind, an’ de tree yieldin’ fruit, whose seed wuz in itself, afta’ his kind, check it: an’ God saw dat it wuz baaaad.
    13. An’ de evenin’ an’ de mo’nin’ wuz de dird day. Slap mah fro!
    14. An’ God said, Let dere be lights in de firmament uh de heaven t’ divide da damn day fum de night; an’ let dem be fo’ signs, an’ fo’ seasons, an’ fo’ days, an’ yea’s, dig dis:
    15. An’ let dem be fo’ lights in de firmament uh de heaven t’ give light upon de ea’th, dig dis: an’ it wuz so’s.
    16. An’ God made two great lights; de greata’ light t’ rule da damn day, an’ de lessa’ light t’ rule da damn night, dig dis: he made da damn sta’s also. Jes hang loose, brotha’.
    17. An’ God set dem in de firmament uh de heaven t’ give light upon de ea’th,
    18. An’ t’ rule ova’ de day an’ ova’ de night, an’ t’ divide da damn light fum de da’kness, check it: an’ God saw dat it wuz baaaad.
    19. An’ de evenin’ an’ de mo’nin’ wuz de fourth day. Slap mah fro!
    20. An’ God said, Let da damn waters bring fo’th abundantly de movin’ creature dat hath life, an’ fowl dat may fly above da damn ea’th in de jimmey firmament uh heaven. ‘S coo’, bro.
    21. An’ God created great whales, an’ every livin’ creature dat moveth, which de waters brought fo’th abundantly, afta’ deir kind, an’ every winged fowl afta’ his kind, dig dis: an’ God saw dat it wuz baaaad.
    22. An’ God blessed dem, sayin’, Be fruitful, an’ multiply, an’ fill de waters in de seas, an’ let fowl multiply in de ea’th. Lop some boogie.
    23. An’ de evenin’ an’ de mo’nin’ wuz de fifth day. Slap mah fro!
    24. An’ God said, Let da damn ea’th bring fo’th de livin’ creature afta’ his kind, cattle, an’ creepin’ doodad, an’ beast uh de ea’th afta’ his kind, dig dis: an’ it wuz so’s.
    25. An’ God made da damn beast uh de ea’th afta’ his kind, an’ cattle afta’ deir kind, an’ every doodad dat creepeth upon de ea’th afta’ his kind, dig dis: an’ God saw dat it wuz baaaad.
    26. An’ God said, Let us make dude in our image, afta’ our likeness, dig dis: an’ let dem gots dominion ova’ de fish uh de sea, an’ ova’ de fowl uh de air, an’ ova’ de cattle, an’ ova’ all de ea’th, an’ ova’ every creepin’ doodad dat creepeth upon de ea’th. Lop some boogie.
    27. So God created dude in his own image, in de image uh God created he him; male an’ female created he dem. ‘S coo’, bro.
    28. An’ God blessed dem, an’ God said unto dem, Be fruitful, an’ multiply, an’ replenish de ea’th, an’ subdue it, dig dis: an’ gots dominion ova’ de fish uh de sea, an’ ova’ de fowl uh de air, an’ ova’ every livin’ doodad dat moveth upon de ea’th. Lop some boogie.
    29. An’ God said, Behold, Ah’ gots given ya every herb bea’in’ seed, which be upon de face uh all de ea’th, an’ every tree, in de which be de fruit uh some damn tree yieldin’ seed; t’ ya it shall be fo’ meat.
    30. An’ t’ every beast uh de ea’th, an’ t’ every fowl uh de air, an’ t’ every doodad dat creepeth upon de ea’th, wherein dere be life, Ah’ gots given every green herb fo’ meat, dig dis: an’ it wuz so’s.
    31. An’ God saw every doodad dat he had made, an’, behold, it wuz real baaaad.  An’ de evenin’ an’ de mo’nin’ wuz de sixth day. Slap mah fro!

    Here is the original, in English, Latin, and Hebrew.

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  3. John Walker:
    The GNU Talk Filters include the classic Jive, Valspeak, Chef, Pirate, and other transformations.  Here is the manual [PDF].

    I loved the Jive filter… the original and still the best!

    At the time I was using MUSH, the mail users shell. One thing (among many) that it did nicely was allow easy interaction between mail messages and unix commands, so I set up a hot key to run a mail message through the Jive filter.

    The results were so satisfying that I configured things such that several correspondents by default went through the Jive filter, and I would have to type a command to see their original message.

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