In the latter part of the 1980s, the preeminent buzzwords in marketing were “digital”, prompted in particular by the compact disc as a music format, and “turbo”, from the exhaust-powered gizmos auto manufacturers began to use to get more zip out of tiny (compared to V-8s of a few years before) engines. This resulted in these adjectives being plastered on products which had nothing whatsoever to do with either digital technology or turbocharging. In the software world Borland International had a whole line of products called “Turbo Pascal”, “Turbo C”, etc., and “digital” showed up on boxes containing things whose only connection with the word was that they could be operated by fingers. I especially remember ridiculously overpriced “digital speaker cables” which claimed they could better cope with the sound of compact discs.
Well, not to be left behind, I created my own logo in PostScript and started putting it on all of my software projects.
Digital isn’t enough any more.™
Well, that was then, and now it’s the twenty-first century, the Roaring Twenties, and the Year of the Jackpot all at the same time, and now we have a new crop of buzzwords and manias to aid grifters in picking the pockets of rubes.
Some of most prominent are related to the rolling out of 5G mobile connectivity technology, which is intended to further decentralise cellular data networks and provide faster data transfer rates (eventually up to 10 gigabits per second). There are legitimate fears and objections to 5G technology, particularly related to security concerns regarding some infrastructure vendors such as China’s Huawei, which has deep connections to the People’s Liberation Army and Chinese Communist Party, and concerns about the radio spectrum being allocated to 5G causing interference with existing services such as remote sensing of the Earth’s atmosphere by weather and Earth resources satellites.
But it’s hard to gin up a really lucrative scam from such material. So, instead, we’ve had another round of heightened concern over possible health risks from 5G technology, even though one of the advantages of 5G is that its many small cells will dramatically reduce the radiated power of both cellular and mobile device transmitters. The outbreak of the coronavirus pandemic in early 2020 has cranked this up on the hysteria scale, with idiots and scammers claiming that 5G radiation is spreading the viral disease. This has had real-world consequences, with morons setting fire to 5G towers all over Europe, with more than sixty destroyed in the United Kingdom and twenty in the Netherlands. Mobile carriers in the U.K. have politely asked people to stop burning down their 5G towers, issuing a statement which asserts,
Sadly, we have experienced cases of vandals setting fire to mobile masts, disrupting critical infrastructure and spreading false information suggesting a connection between 5G and the COVID-19 pandemic. There is no scientific evidence of any link between 5G and coronavirus. Fact.
But isn’t there anything individuals can do to protect themselves and their families from this peril?
Well, along comes the “5GBioShield” selling for a mere £283 in the U.K. (£799 for three!), which, outwardly, appears to be a USB memory stick with a capacity of just 128 megabytes. Similar mass-produced sticks sell for about £5.
But, appearances can be deceiving. According to the 5GBioShield Web site:
5GBioShield USB Key provides protection for your home and family, thanks to the wearable holographic nano-layer catalyser, which can be worn or placed near to a smartphone or any other electrical, radiation or EMF emitting device.
The 5GBioShield USB Key with the nano-layer is a quantum holographic catalyzer technology for the balance and harmonisation of the harmful effects of imbalanced electric radiation. The nano-layer operating diameter is either 8 or 40 meters.
The 5GBioShield USB Key is resulting from research of several decades in multiple countries. The active key operating diameter shields and harmonizes a complete family home.
Did you get that? You don’t even have to plug it in! Just place it near the emitting device. The product specifications [PDF], further claim its “Fields of Application” to be:
- Balancing & revitalization of electric fields from unnatural sources, such as laptops, cordless telephones, wlan, tablets,etc.
- Balancing of geo-biological disturbances in the habitat and surroundings (Hartmann, Curry, Palm, Peyré, Wissmann), including underground water sources).
- Full-spectrum balancing of biological organisms, such as animal, plant and/or human, catalysing faster and easier recovery.
- Full-spectrum harmonization of homes, offices, schools, hospitals, vehicles, trains and aircrafts, etc…
- Psycho-emotional harmonisation, in particular to ease meditations, but also to take a step back from the stressful challenges of everyday life. We are surrounded by a unified field of limitless energy. In the urban environment particularly, this field is highly toxic and ultimately lethal. Restoration of balance into this field is paramount in order to allow for all biological life-forms to prosper and replenish.
- Improvement of memory, concentration, speed and efficiency of decisions, especially for pilots, surgeons, teachers, and all professionals whose performance depends on absolute mental clarity.
- Harmonization and balancing of the harmful effects of volatile organic compounds (VOC) in the indoor air (apartments, houses, enterprises, etc).
Of course, for best results, you should plug it in:
The active field-effect of the 5GBioShield is minimum 40m in diameter in charge whereby all disturbances, both electric and geo-biological, are converted into balanced fields. When not plugged in, the 5GBioShield provides an active field-effect of permanent protective ‘plasmic shield’ within the sphere of minimum 8 meters in diameter.
The Testimonials page is a hoot. Apparently none of their customers have last names. Also, be sure to check out the Frequently Asked Questions which, among other hilarity, manages to misspell “its” and the name of the product.
The BBC bought one and had a consumer test company tear it apart. The only difference they found from a bog-standard Chinese USB stick is a round sticker applied to the outside. The owner of the test company said, “Now, we’re not 5G quantum experts but said sticker looks remarkably like one available in sheets from stationery suppliers for less than a penny each.”
The BBC reports that the principals behind BioShield were previously involved in a company called Immortalis, which sells a dietary supplement called “Klotho Formula” which, its Web site says, was “Developed with the goal of targeting the anti-aging gene Klotho using a novel revolutionary approach based on a combination of microbiome medicine, genetics & epigenetics. The uniqueness and value of Immortalis Klotho Formula does not reside solely in its raw components, but in the proprietary procedure that leads to relativistic time dilation and biological quantum entanglement at the DNA level.”
Maybe it’s time for me to roll out:
Quantum Nano Relativity
Relativity isn’t enough any more.™
I’d better hurry—Stephen Wolfram is already talking about “Quantum Neural Blockchain AI”.