Religion says…

Religion says reality is beyond your control, requires submission, and has bill collectors.  That third part is eloquent. =’

A COMPARATIVE GUIDE TO RELIGIONS

Agnosticism… … … Kark may or may not happen.
Apathism… … … I don’t care if kark happens.
Atheism… … … Sheeeit!
Baha’i… … … Kark happens to everyone equally.
Baptist… … … Gonna wash this kark right outta my hair!
Branch Davidianism… … … This kark really burns me up.
Buddhism… … … If kark happens, it really isn’t kark.
Calvinism… … … Kark happens because you don’t work hard enough.
Cartesianism… … … I think, therefore kark happens.
Catholicism… … … Kark happens because you are BAD.
Channeling… … … Now happening as Kark.
Christian Science… … … Kark only happens within your mind.
Church of England… … … Excrement transpires.
Church of the Sub-Genius… … … Well, kark, Bob!
Confucianism… … … Confucius say, “kark happens.”
Druidism… … … Kark happens in the woods.
Episcopalianism… … … Kark happened to my ancestors.
est… … … I acknowledge my kark.
Evangelism… … … Will you accept kark happening into your heart?
Existentialism… … … What is kark, anyway?
Heaven’s Gate… … … The kark will fly!
Hedonism… … … There is nothing like a good kark happening.
Hinduism… … … This kark happened before.
Islam… … … If kark happens, it is the will of Allah.
Jehovah’s Witnesses… … … Knock, knock… kark happens.
Jim Jones… … … Drink kark and die.
Judaism… … … Why does kark always happen to me?
Krishna Consciousness… … … Kark happens, rama rama.
Mensa… … … The top 2% of kark happening.
Lutheranism… … … Here kark happens; God help me, I can do no other.
Methodism… … … Kark happens; support group available.
Moonies… … … Only happy kark really happens.
Mormonism… … … You must look closely at the turd.
New Age… … … Kark is the Goddess.
Nihilism… … … No kark!
Paganism… … … Earth, air, fire, water, kark.
Presbyterianism… … … This kark happens to be too dear.
Protestantism… … … Let kark happen to somebody else.
Psychic… … … Saw kark coming; got hit from behind.
Puritanism… … … Kark happens with our permission.
Quaker… … … Geet thy kark together, Friend.
Rastafarianism… … … Let’s smoke this kark.
Roman Catholicism… … … Christ died for your kark.
Santaria… … … Don’t even THINK of karkting on me!
Satanism… … … Kark is the best part.
Schroedingerism… … … Kark does not happen until you observe it.
Scientific Methodism… … … Skatole-bearing anomalies materialize.
Scientology… … … Does kark happen? (See page 469).
Shintoism… … … Farts happen.
Seventh Day Adventism… … … No kark happens on Saturdays.
Stoicism… … … This kark happens to be good for me.
Taoism… … … Kark happens.
Televangelism… … … Send all your money or kark will happen.
Transcendental Meditation… … … 7000 meditators make harmonious kark happen.
Unitarianism… … … Kark happens; discussion at 2:00 pm.
United Church of Canada… … … Let us all share equally in kark happening.
Weight Watchers… … … You pay for excess kark at weigh-in.
Wicca… … … Kark happens to be good fertilizer.
Zen… … … What is the sound of one kark happening?
Zoroastrianism… … … Kark happens half the time.

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