Makes me wonder…

Why are we so dependent on our utilities?

We had a storm come through at 2:14 AM and we, along with 390 other customers, lost power for nearly 12 hours. It was starting to get cold in the house as the gas furnace needs electricity for the pumps. The battery operated sump pump nearly depleted it’s battery. The basement did not flood, it couldn’t because the water would flow out the garage door like it did the first mid winter thaw we had some 25 years ago. I was ready to go out and buy a generator when the power came back on.

Still thinking about a generator…..

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Gun owners are guilty until proven innocent!

Colorado enacts ‘red flag’ law to seize guns from those deemed dangerous, prompting backlash

This sucks! As I understand it, nearly anyone can attest to a made up fact that a gun owner is dangerous and his guns will be taken away in violation of the second amendment. The gun owner will have to prove to the state he is not dangerous.

Damn them, I have my compound and re-curve bows and I can still use them effectively.

I’m fairly sure that criminals will turn in other criminals with this law in place. Yea right, keep dreaming.

Read the report, It will disgust you.

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Do You Remember When……. ?

      • All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
      • It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
      • Nearly everyone’s Mom was at home when the kids got home from school?
      • Nobody owned a purebred dog?
      • When a quarter was a decent allowance?
      • You’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
      • Your Mom wore nylons that came in two pieces?
      • All your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done every day and wore high heels?
      • You got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, all for free, every time?
      • And you didn’t pay for air.
      • And, you got trading stamps to boot?
      • Laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box?
      • It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents?
      • They threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed . . .and they did?
      • When a 57 Chevy was everyone’s dream car… to cruise, peel out, lay rubber or watch submarine races, and people went steady?
      • No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
      • Lying on your back in the grass with your friends and saying things like,”That cloud looks like a …”
      • and playing baseball with no adults to help kids with the rules of the game?
      • Stuff from the store came without safety caps and hermetic seals because no one had yet tried to poison a perfect stranger?
      • And with all our progress, don’t you just wish, just once, you could slip back in time and savor the slower pace, and share it with the children of today?
      • When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited the student at home?
      • Basically we were in fear for our lives, but it wasn’t because of drive-by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.
      • Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat!
      • But we survived because their love was greater than the threat.
      • As well as summers filled with bike rides, baseball games, Hula Hoops, bowling and visits to the pool, and eating Kool-Aid powder with sugar.
      • Didn’t that feel good, just to go back and say, “Yeah, I remember that”?

      I am sharing this with you today because it ends with a double dog dare to pass it on.
      To remember what a double dog dare is, read on.

      • And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough to know better and too young to care.
      • How many of these do you remember?
      • Candy cigarettes
      • Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside
      • Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
      • Coffee shops with table side jukeboxes
      • Blackjack, Clove and Teaberry chewing gum.
      • Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
      • Newsreels before the movie
      • P.F. Fliers
      • Telephone numbers with a word prefix….(Raymond 4-601).
      • Party lines
      • Peashooters
      • Howdy Dowdy
      • 45 RPM records
      • Green Stamps
      • Hi-Fi’s
      • Metal ice cubes trays with levers
      • Mimeograph paper
      • Beanie and Cecil
      • Roller-skate keys
      • Cork pop guns
      • Drive ins
      • Studebakers
      • Washing machines with wringers
      • The Fuller Brush Man
      • Reel-To-Reel tape recorders
      • Tinkertoys
      • Erector Sets
      • The Fort Apache Play Set
      • Lincoln Logs
      • 15 cent McDonald hamburgers
      • 5 cent packs of baseball cards – with that awful pink slab of bubble gum
      • Penny candy
      • 35 cent a gallon gasoline, (I remember 29 cent gasoline!)
      • Jiffy Pop popcorn
      • eeny-meeny-miney-moe
      • Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, “Do Over!”?
      • “Race issue” meant arguing about who ran the fastest?
      • Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening?
      • It wasn’t odd to have two or three “Best Friends”?
      • The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was “cooties”?
      • Having a weapon in school meant being caught with a slingshot?
      • A foot of snow was a dream come true?
      • Saturday morning cartoons weren’t 30-minute commercials for action figures?
      • “Oly-oly-oxen-free” made perfect sense?
      • Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles?
      • The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team?
      • War was a card game?
      • Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle?
      • Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin?
      • Water balloons were the ultimate weapon?

      If you can remember most or all of these, then you have lived!!!!!!!
      Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their “grown-up” life . . .
      I double-dog-dare-ya!

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Service….

Again I will bore my fellow Ratburgers with another short from a CD that I made some before I retired 15 or so years ago.

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word  “service“… the act of doing things for other people.

Then I heard the terms Internal Revenue Service, Postal Service, Civil Service, Service Stations, and I became confused about the word “service.” This is not what I thought “service” meant.

Then recently, I overheard two horse breeders talking and one of them mentioned that he was having his stallion service a few of his mares.

SHAZAM!

It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those “service” agencies are doing to us!

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is this for real?

The group “I Hate drlorenz” doesn’t need a place on Ratburger. Just it’s existence speaks volumes of intolerance to a casual visitor to this site and should be eliminated. The founder of such a hate group should also be punished with at least a thirty, (30), day banishment.

I’ve been silent long enough. DrLorenz seems to be a member here. This group fabrication may be in jest, but the humor is lost on me and undoubtedly on visitors or new members.

What kind of site would actively allow a group to be named like this, I hate a fellow member?

Granted we throw jabs, good-naturedly, at one another in posts, but to name a group with this hate message….

It just ain’t right.

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Martha Stewart’s Tips For Rednecks

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT

1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat from the table…no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one’s OWN truck keys.

2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman’s jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)

1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first date.

2. Be aggressive. Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago.”

3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE

1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can’t hear you.

WEDDINGS

1. Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.

3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.

4. Though uncomfortable, say “yes” to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE

1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.

2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.

4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.

5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

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Cubical Era Sayings…..

I found a CD that I made back when I worked for the government. These quotes are from one of the documents from That CD. Enjoy…
Inspirational Sayings For The Cubicle Era

Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

A person who smiles in the face of adversity…probably has a scapegoat.

Plagiarism saves time.

If at first you don’t succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

TEAMWORK… means never having to take all the blame yourself.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

We waste time, so you don’t have to.

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.

When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee (or Beer) break.

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Succeed in spite of management.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment. Amen!!

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Tele-Monsters revisited.

Tele-Monsters, or those dammed scam/spam/nuisance/marketing calls.

I’m sure a few Ratburgers remember my posts about them and my successes and failures to turn the tide of them.
Yep “NoMoRoBo” is still the premier answer. But with drawbacks. The drawbacks are when every tele-monster calls and NoMoRoBo intercepts the call, we get one ring. Sort of like on “The Hunt for Red October“, but ring instead of ping.

Continue reading “Tele-Monsters revisited.”

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