Well a little bit more than a fender bender… I was rear ended on the way to work on the 15th. I’m not sure the whole concept of posting a few image of the results are really Ratburger material, but since I sent them off on Facebook, I thought I might share them here.
Boy am I eating crow….
From Oct 16, first at 1245 AM, second at 331 AM and finally at 808 AM.
I’m not sure how big the rack on the buck was, maybe a 7-pointer.
My wife is gloating over my invisible bear…
I don’t want to take clicks away from a cartoonist so I will but up a link.
I like the cartoon because it mixed the old way of thinking with the realities of the present. It is about higher education.
We had a bet, I said that a bear would show up on the camera, she said a deer. We put $10 on it.
That was captured this afternoon at about 12:20.
For the fifth time in as many weeks, a night creature has knocked down the fencing surrounding a portion of my side yard. I have this area fenced off for our doggies. Granted it’s not a very sturdy fence, the doggies weigh less than 20 lbs, (9.07 Kilograms), and their mass would not be enough to bring the fence down.
I have a bet with my wife as to if it’s a deer or a bear. I’m saying a bear. But how to prove it? I moved one camera from my security system to watch the back yard. It’s motion activated and well, we’ll see.
View from the camera while the doggies were out last night at 2239, or 10:39 PM. The spotlights were on, we typically dim them slightly overnight. The fence extends from the gate on the right to a corner at the tree line and then to left to intersect with a more solid chain link fence at my neighbor’s shed in the upper left.
In the mean time, I put in a call to the game commission, in hopes they would bring a humane bear trap to my area to get the perpetrator. They asked if I have a bird feeder or trash cans in the area that would be an interest to a bear. I said no bird feeder, the trash cans are at the other end of my property and liberally dosed with ammonia to keep bears away from them. I’m expecting a call back from them to further explain my plight today.
So what will it be, a bear or a deer?
Maybe Just for laughs, but what if there was a post or comment counter on the home page that read; “20,128 Ratburger comments served”.
Do ya’ think McDonalds would have a fit over that?
(Right under “Hey, it’s free.”.)
A: How can you tell when a Dem is lying?
B: Their lawyers lips are moving.
A: Why are Senate Democrats’ consciences worth millions?
B: They are in mint condition with the shrink wrap still on.
A: Do you hear about the new accuser that Michael Avenatti is representing?
B: She knew Brett Kavanaugh in another life and she has picture evidence taken by Matthew Brady.
A: How many politicians does it take to screw a light bulb?
B: We don’t know. They have to finish the speeches first.
New term: “soybeard”. Grubby stubble cultivated by submissive feminised males who can only distinguish themselves from females by pathetic facial hair.
— John Walker (@Fourmilab) September 24, 2018
Please post egregious examples of soybeards in the comments. Please, no cheerleaders with soybeards, even if they’re from Texas.
I cannot reveal my credible source from planet Zork but it has to be true because Zorkians never lie. Just imagine the worst possible things and that is nothing compared to what my very credible source tells me.
For those that don’t know Zork, it is an advanced civilizations that outlawed plastic straws decades ago.
You may think I am trying to Bork a Supreme Court nominee. Not I.
It has come to my attention from a secret source that there are character issues dating back to high school. I will be sending RBI agents to your various houses. Please have your yearbooks ready. If you have any friends not in prison we would like to interview them also. Whatever you say will be kept in strict confidentiality and only shared with a few reporters I like.
Some may feel I am using this just to get even but that is not the case. I have the Purest MotivesTM. I would never take revenge like the last time. I have learned my lesson.
It will go a lot easier if you confess now.
I think we need to know how important everyone is by knowing your victim score. Victim score? Yes, you can get victim points for being in certain groups and having certain life experiences. The old saying was “He who dies with the most toys win.” has been replaced with “The person who has the most victim points win.”
Possible Victim Points
- Coming from a minority group
- Looking different
- Sexual minority status
- Broken home
- Losing at something
- Hearing words you don’t like
- Being caught for cheating
This is the data from Yahoo News.
Here are some of the biggest fines, from the New York Times:
- Racket Abuse — Men 646, Women 99
- Audible Obscenity — Men 344, 140
- Unsportsmanlike Conduct — Men 287, Women 67
- Verbal Abuse — Men 62, Women 16
- Ball Abuse — Men 49, Women 35
- Visible Obscenity — Men 20, Women 11
There is only one way to read this data. The officials are deeply prejudiced against men. I think if we dig deeper we will find that they had problems with their fathers. I think Congress should hold hearings and the Tennis Federation should pay money to these men who were so shabbily treated. I think only officials who access penalties equally between the sexes should be able to work.
When you regard the madness and serial hysterias possessing the United States: this week “bathroom equality”, the next tearing down statues, then Russians under every bed, segueing into the right of military-age unaccompanied male “refugees” to bring their cultural enrichment to communities across the land, to proper pronouns for otherkin, “ripping children” from the arms of their illegal immigrant parents, etc., etc., whacky etc., it all seems curiously co-ordinated: the legacy media, on-line outlets, and the mouths of politicians of the slaver persuasion all with the same “concerns” and identical words, turning on a dime from one to the next. It’s like there’s a narrative they’re being fed by somebody or -bodies unknown, which they parrot incessantly until being handed the next talking point to download into their birdbrains.
Could that really be what’s going on, or is it some kind of mass delusion which afflicts societies where an increasing fraction of the population, “educated” in government schools and Gramsci-converged higher education, knows nothing of history or the real world and believes things with the fierce passion of ignorance which are manifestly untrue? That’s the mystery explored in this savagely hilarious satirical novel.
Majedah Cantalupi-Abromavich-Flügel-Van Der Hoven-Taj Mahal (who prefers you use her full name, but who henceforth I shall refer to as “Majedah Etc.”) had become the very model of a modern media mouthpiece. After reporting on a Hate Crime at her exclusive women’s college while pursuing a journalism degree with practical studies in Social Change, she is recruited as a junior on-air reporter by WPDQ, the local affiliate of News 24/7, the preeminent news network for good-thinkers like herself. Considering herself ready for the challenge, if not over-qualified, she informs one of her co-workers on the first day on the job,
I have a journalism degree from the most prestigious woman’s [sic] college in the United States—in fact, in the whole world—and it is widely agreed upon that I have an uncommon natural talent for spotting news. … I am looking forward to teaming up with you to uncover the countless, previously unexposed Injustices in this town and get the truth out.
Her ambition had already aimed her sights higher than a small- to mid-market affiliate: “Someday I’ll work at News 24/7. I’ll be Lead Reporter with my own Desk. Maybe I’ll even anchor my own prime time show someday!” But that required the big break—covering a story that gets picked up by the network in New York and broadcast world-wide with her face on the screen and name on the Chyron below (perhaps scrolling, given its length). Unfortunately, the metro Wycksburg beat tended more toward stories such as the grand opening of a podiatry clinic than those which merit the “BREAKING NEWS” banner and urgent sound clip on the network.
The closest she could come to the Social Justice beat was covering the demonstrations of the People’s Organization for Perpetual Outrage, known to her boss as “those twelve kooks that run around town protesting everything”. One day, en route to cover another especially unpromising story, Majedah and her cameraman stumble onto a shocking case of police brutality: a white officer ordering a woman of colour to get down, then pushing her to the sidewalk and jumping on top with his gun drawn. So compelling are the images, she uploads the clip with her commentary directly to the network’s breaking news site for affiliates. Within minutes it was on the network and screens around the world with the coveted banner.
News 24/7 sends a camera crew and live satellite uplink to Wycksburg to cover a follow-up protest by the Global Outrage Organization, and Majedah gets hours of precious live feed directly to the network. That very evening comes a job offer to join the network reporting pool in New York. Mission accomplished!—the road to the Big Apple and big time seems to have opened.
But all may not be as it seems. That evening, the detested Eagle Eye News, the jingoist network that climbed to the top of the ratings by pandering to inbred gap-toothed redneck bitter clingers and other quaint deplorables who inhabit flyover country and frequent Web sites named after rodentia and arthropoda, headlined a very different take on the events of the day, with an exclusive interview with the woman of colour from Majedah’s reportage. Majedah is devastated—she can see it all slipping away.
The next morning, hung-over, depressed, having a nightmare of what her future might hold, she is awakened by the dreaded call from New York. But to her astonishment, the offer still stands. The network producer reminds her that nobody who matters watches Eagle Eye, and that her reportage of police brutality and oppression of the marginalised remains compelling. He reminds her, “you know that the so-called truth can be quite subjective.”
The Associate Reporter Pool at News 24/7 might be better likened to an aquarium stocked with the many colourful and exotic species of millennials. There is Mara, who identifies as a female centaur, Scout, a transgender woman, Mysty, Candy, Ångström, and Mohammed Al Kaboom (né James Walker Lang in Mill Valley), each with their own pronouns (Ångström prefers adjutant, 37, and blue).
Every morning the pool drains as its inhabitants, diverse in identification and pronomenclature but of one mind (if that term can be stretched to apply to them) in their opinions, gather in the conference room for the daily briefing by the Democratic National Committee, with newsrooms, social media outlets, technology CEOs, bloggers, and the rest of the progressive echo chamber tuned in to receive the day’s narrative and talking points. On most days the top priority was the continuing effort to discredit, obstruct, and eventually defeat the detested Republican President Nelson, who only viewers of Eagle Eye took seriously.
Out of the blue, a wild card is dealt into the presidential race. Patty Clark, a black businesswoman from Wycksburg who has turned her Jamaica Patty’s restaurant into a booming nationwide franchise empire, launches a primary challenge to the incumbent president. Suddenly, the narrative shifts: by promoting Clark, the opposition can be split and Nelson weakened. Clark and Ms Etc have a history that goes back to the latter’s breakthrough story, and she is granted priority access to the candidate including an exclusive long-form interview immediately after her announcement that ran in five segments over a week. Suddenly Patty Clark’s face was everywhere, and with it, “Majedah Etc., reporting”.
What follows is a romp which would have seemed like the purest fantasy prior to the U.S. presidential campaign of 2016. As the campaign progresses and the madness builds upon itself, it’s as if Majedah’s tether to reality (or what remains of it in the United States) is stretching ever tighter. Is there a limit, and if so, what happens when it is reached?
The story is wickedly funny, filled with turns of phrase such as, “Ångström now wishes to go by the pronouns nut, 24, and gander” and “Maher’s Syndrome meant a lifetime of special needs: intense unlikeability, intractable bitterness, close-set beady eyes beneath an oversized forehead, and at best, laboring at menial work such as janitorial duties or hosting obscure talk shows on cable TV.”
The conclusion is as delicious as it is hopeful.
The Kindle edition is free for Kindle Unlimited subscribers.
Boule, Deplora [pseud.]. The Narrative. Seattle: CreateSpace, 2018. ISBN 978-1-71716-065-2.